i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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