im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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