I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
