WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
