the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
