how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
