The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
