She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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