All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
