Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
