one might say we're banned from that church
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
