i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
