Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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