I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I smell like Dick and happiness
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize