She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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