Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
