Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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