he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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