She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
