Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
