One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
