My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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