so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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