Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
