we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm like, not good at living.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
