I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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