addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
