she woke up with a sticky ear
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
