you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
