I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
