You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
