So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
