Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
