i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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