But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
