I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
