After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
