There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is it because I queefed?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
