It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
