I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
