we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize