Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
