Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
