I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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