I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
