Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
