I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
