Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
