I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize