I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
