I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
