How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
