I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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