who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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