gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
