Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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