life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize