Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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