Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
