At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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