His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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