Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
