We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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