If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
