I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
