I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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