you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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