Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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