A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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