Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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